I’ve felt safe most of my life. Not that there hasn’t been disruption and dissonance, but I have felt safe. My early career was in a male dominated industry…and I always felt that I was valued. My colleagues and I may not have always agreed – but it was a safe environment. I’ve heard stories and I understand what many women face at work or home, but I have been very fortunate. I never felt on the outside…until recently.
Academia should provide a safe space to explore, disagree, agree and transform…however I’m starting to hang around the outside. I keep my mouth shut about a lot of things…I’m turning into a “what’s the point” person who feels that my ideas will not be critiqued but dismissed. The outside gets lonely…
I don’t want my students to feel dismissed – I have my biases and so do my students – however I want them to feel comfortable articulating their ideas and able to take/use critique. I feel successful in that endeavor but I guess I will never know for sure.
The outside has positives as well…I know what I don’t want for my students…I know what kind of environment I want to foster in my classrooms…I know that we can be strong on the outside. Looking around I know I’m not the only one who is residing out here…I’m finding people outside my community…building a new community.
But for the moment I have to step back inside…bring some of my outside self to the status quo and hopefully bring about some change…